I have a very simple set of rules
when I buy music for Sheila. First, I do it rarely. I already push my luck with
the amount of music I bring into the house, so it has to be something I know
she will really want. Second, it has to be something that I would never buy for myself, even if it is
something she would want as well. If I also want it then it ceases to be a
gift, and just becomes another way to feed my addiction.
This next album met both rules –
Sheila specifically wanted some of these guys in the collection, and I would
never buy them on my own.
Disc 963 is….Greatest Hits
Artist: Thompson
Twins
Year of Release: Released in 1990,
but featuring music from 1982 to 1987 (plus three exclusive new remixes!).
What’s up with the Cover? I could discuss the crazy
haircuts, or the joy of a convertible in the bright sunshine but I just can’t
get past the “As Seen On TV”. I’m sure I remember seeing this album advertised
on TV back in the day. I bet you could order it for a low low price, plus $5.95
Shipping and Handling, and a scrolling of all their hits, with clips from the
video. Order now – not available in any stores!
How I Came To Know It: I don’t know if this album wasn’t
available in stores in 1990, but in 2016 (when I bought it as a Christmas gift
for Sheila’s stocking) it sure was.
How It Stacks Up: This is the only Thompson Twins album we have,
but even if it weren’t, “best of” albums don’t stack up.
Ratings: This is a ‘best of’ album so it
doesn’t get to be ranked. Not one of the five cardinal rules of the Odyssey,
but well established over many years of common law.
It isn’t
often that eighties production works, but the Thompson Twins seem to have found
the formula and the results are…surprisingly enjoyable.
It is
surprising because I was preconditioned to not
like this album, knowing going in it was going to be filled with drum
machines, synth organ and saccharine eighties pop. But damn if these guys weren’t
able to achieve the impossible. Like a band of three people calling themselves
twins it shouldn’t work, but somehow it does.
Thompson
Twins were a bit of a thing when I was a teenager, and a lot of these ‘hits’ I
remember from both the age of music videos and most of my high school dances.
This was the stuff that would play while I was waiting impatiently to head bang
to ACDC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long”
or do my best David Lee Roth leap from the bleachers when “Jump” came on. I probably sat most of these Thompson Twins songs
out, except on those occasions when it meant I could dance with a real live
girl (at which point any 15 year old boy willingly sets aside all musical snobbery).
I now
realize sitting out the Thompson Twins was a mistake, because these songs may
be saccharine pop, but they are also enjoyable sing-a-long tunes that make you
feel good. In retrospect I should have been thankful for any eighties music
with enough rhythm for dancing.
Listening
as a forty-something man I was struck with how positive and enthusiastic these
songs are. “Hold Me Now” and “Lay Your Hands on Me” in particular are
songs about genuine human connection. Hell they both directly reference
touching other people in the damned title! “Hold
Me Now” is as romantic as it gets, and “Lay
Your Hands on Me” felt triumphant and transcendent, like I was in some
eighties church revival (I imagine the pews were painted pastel blue).
Even
when the album got a little silly, such as with the pseudo-tribal chants of “ooo-ooo-ooo-ow!”
on “Don’t Mess With Doctor Dream” it
is still good fun. In fact, this song felt a little bit like if a disco record was
produced by a rap DJ. If this stuff isn’t heavily sampled in rap music, it
should be.
The record
covers only a few years (1982-1987) but in that short span the band gamely experiments
with lots of different musical styles. On “The
Gap” they mix in African, Middle Eastern and New Wave sounds. On “You Take Me Up” they mix West Indies
rhythms and folk harmonica fearlessly Does all this work?” Yes, albeit barely.
All that
said, at 76 minutes long this record keeps playing long after the Thompson
Twins three or four “Greatest Hits” are long over. The worst offender is a painfully
bland cover of the Beatles’ “Revolution”
which they suck the life right out of like a trio of milquetoast vampires determined
to suck the life out of music. Never has a song left me feeling less
revolutionary. Also “We Are Detective”
is a self-conscious and indulgent number that sounds like something out of an
eighties musical you never want to see. For God’s sakes, I’d rather you just
take me to see Chess!
Other
than those two lame ducks there isn’t anything that terrible – even the trio of
90s dance mixes at the end will get your toe tapping – but there is a fair bit
of filler. This record would work better if it were about 20 minutes shorter and
four songs fewer. I guess in the heady days of 1990 when bands were first realizing
they could squeeze 80 minutes of music onto a CD and then market it “as seen on TV!” it was hard to resist
the excess of it all.
This
record wasn’t a glorious revelation it wasn’t horrible either. Mostly it just
left me feeling positive about the world, and inclined to go hug somebody.
Best
tracks: Hold Me
Now, Lay Your Hands on Me, Don’t Mess with Doctor Dream
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