CD Odyssey Disc 328: Sting

And so we come to the final Sting album in the CD Odyssey. If more appear later, it is because Sheila bought them.

Disc 328 is...The Dream Of The Blue Turtles

Artist: Sting

Year of Release: 1985

What’s Up With The Cover?: Your classic 'head and shoulders shot' as they say in the biz. Sting's expression is supposed to be calm and arty, but he looks a little hurt. He's probably still mad at Stewart Copeland and Andy Summers.

How I Came To Know It: Sheila was into Sting before we met, and she had this and two other Sting albums.

How It Stacks Up: We have three Sting albums, and I like one of them, but this isn't it. Of the three, I'd put this one second best, not nearly as good as "Ten Summoners Tales" but a pinch above "Nothing Like The Sun". As is traditional in the CD Odyssey, when I review the last of an artist with at least three albums, I give a quick recap and final ranking - so here they are in order of precedence:

1. Ten Summoners Tales: 4 stars (reviewed at Disc 243)
2. The Dream of the Blue Turtles: 2 stars (reviewed right here)
3. Nothing Like The Sun: 2 stars (reviewed at Disc 125)

Rating: 2 stars

"Dream of the Blue Turtles" is Sting's first solo album after the Police broke up. I've come to really love the Police and I'm looking forward to reviewing one of the many albums of theirs that we have. Until that time I will have to work through Sting.

I'll start with the positives, lest you think that I've got a hate on for Sting, when it is really no more than a mild dislike. "Dream of the Blue Turtles" has some fine tracks. The record starts strong, with the hit single "If You Love Someone Set Them Free." This is a very pop radio kind of song, but it would be wrong to hold that against it - it is from a pop record, after all.

It is catchy and energetic, and while the topic may be a bit overworked, Sting has written respectably lyrics, and delivers them with emotional honesty. I don't love this song, but I like it a lot more now than when I first heard it in 1985. Back then I hated it automatically for violating my narrow world focus as a Heavy Metal Meathead.

This song is followed up by "Love Is The Seventh Wave", which is a little too cutesy with the steel drums and not-so-clever fade out references to the Police song "Every Breath You Take". Despite this it is passable as a pop song. Both these first two songs (and most that will follow) overdo the 'jazz odyssey' quality, with gratuitous saxophone etc, but I won't get too much into this since I covered it at length in my review for "Nothing Like The Sun." Besides, it is not nearly as bad on "Dream of the Blue Turtles" - at least for the most part (more on that later).

The songs that I very much enjoyed have toned down these gimmicks. In particular, "Fortress Around Your Heart" is a beautifully written and performed song, from the lyrics, to the musicianship to a catchy but respectful hook in the chorus. It is a song about failed relationships and regret and of all the songs on the album, it is Sting at his most honest with himself.

Sting's ego is immense, and as a result he can come off as preachy in songs like "We Work The Black Seam" where he expresses his strongly held environmental and political views, or in "Children's Crusade," a song where he thinks he is being clever linking imagery of the Children's Crusade with World War One and heroin addiction. Instead it comes off more like a combination of a children's song and a poem written by some pale and wan kid for a Grade nine poetry assignment.

At other times, this same activism comes out much more 'seamlessly' (get it? get it?). On this note, I enjoyed "Russians", a song about the Cold War that would have had a great deal of resonance in 1985 when it was released. Sting takes no sides, calling out both Russian and American leadership as he appeals to a basic idea that he hopes 'the Russians love their children too.' I found this approach much more emotionally impactful than a similar song on the Police's Synchronicity, "Murder By Numbers" which strikes a more accusatory tone.

As a guilty pleasure, I enjoyed "Moon Over Bourbon Street," a song that must be inspired by Anne Rice's book "Interview With The Vampire". It isn't a great song musically, but the lyrics are strong and they do a good job of capturing the tone of the novel. I'm not a big fan of Rice, but those who know me know that I tend to give bonus points for songs (or movies, or stories) featuring vampires. So bonus points to you, Sting.

This album was a mixed bag hovering somewhere between two and three stars throughout, but it eventually found itself pushed down to two. His decision to include studio production sounds (someone shouting 'what key is this in?" before "Shadows In The Rain") are only made worse by the jazzercise odyssey that immediately followed (calling it a jazz odyssey would be to insult jazz).

But not even that could compare with the cruel trick that is the title track, "The Dream Of The Blue Turtles," which at a gruelling 1:15 playing length, is easily one and a half minutes too long. Suck all the considerable talent out of Thelonious Monk, and then have a computer randomly put what results together into a hodgepodge of sound, and you might approximate this abomination.

Halfway through, I strongly suspected it was Sting playing a joke on his listeners. But even the King of Pain couldn't be so cruel, could he? Then, my suspicions were confirmed, as the song ends in a torrent of giggling. He's not laughing with us, gentle readers, he is laughing at us.

Well, Sting, despite an album that shows considerable talent, I found your joke decidedly unfunny. Now I shall have the last laugh, since it is my blog, and punish you with a two star review. I bet that will make you cry yourself to sleep...in your huge mansion, curled up with your hot wife on a bed covered in money. Take that!

Best tracks: If You Love Somebody Set Them Free, Russians, Fortress Around Your Heart