This next review is a treasure trove of the ridiculous - I could probably start a whole new blog solely dedicated to the lyrics alone, but in the interests of brevity I'll just hit some high points a little later on.
Disc 218 is...Triumphant
Artist: ThorYear of Release: 2003
What’s Up With The Cover?: A near-naked warrior takes a moment out from fighting some primitive screwheads to strike a saucy pose. This guy's helmet looks very protective, but he might've given some thought to having some other form of protection beyond his belt of skulls. Or maybe his belt of skulls is designed to help him blend in with his surroundings - I see a skull in the foreground, and the mountain in the background is shaped like a skull as well.
This painting is by a guy named Mike Hoffman, and although not artistically inspiring he has managed to create a little magic after all; it is causing Frank Frazetta to spin in his grave.
How I Came To Know It: I saw a video for a Thor song back in the early eighties called "Keep The Dogs Away" which I thought pretty awesome at the time. I've never seen any of Thor's eighties records on CD, so I bought this much later entry out of nostalgia.
How It Stacks Up: I have three Thor albums, this one, a collaboration with D.O.A. and 1985's "Only The Strong". Technically, "Only The Strong" is not an original album - my buddy Chris used a computer program years ago to transfer it from vinyl.
Imagine my excitement when I visited Thor's website to find that "Only The Strong" has been released on CD this year as the "25th Anniversary Printing". Soon, it shall be mine - as soon as I decide if I can trust thorcentral.com with my visa number.
Anyway, of these three albums, I'm putting "Triumphant" a distant third.
Rating: 2 stars.
Thor is a Canadian metal artist that goes back all the way to the late seventies. He is also a body builder who's show used to feature a sort of hard core variety show of heavy metal music, and Thor doing feats of strength. Among these, he would: blow up a hot water bottle; bend a metal bar in his teeth and; smash bricks on his chest. I've seen him do the first two on MuchMusic's Power Hour, and thought it exceedingly cool at the time.
He also used to do interviews as if he were actually "Thor" as in - the Norse God of Thunder. Again, I thought that was pretty cool at the time.
When I was fifteen I loved Thor's music, but "Triumphant" is...er...not his best work. It sounds very much like an artist that hasn't grown very much, and is still doing the same schtick. In fact, this album even features a reworked version of "Thunder on the Tundra", which originally appears on "Only the Strong". However, if you're going to do a fantasy "Thunder God" schtick, you should go all out, and Thor certainly does.
The music is basically straight ahead heavy metal. Just imagine eighties metal never changed - there was never hair metal, never grunge, never death or speed or thrash or black metal - just straight ahead mid-eighties metal. Musically, that's all you need to know.
I'm not sure what to include and what to exclude from this review. I thought maybe I'd start by saying it includes a song written for Fubar: The Movie, because that seemed the most illustrative point I could make. The song, "Fubar is a Super Rocker", doesn't seem to be written with any ironic intent. However, this fact alone doesn't really do the record's excesses justice.
So then I thought I'd just include some of the song titles as a sort of short-hand of what to expect like "The Guardian's Flame Opus" (in 3 parts) or "Throwing Cars at People On Coke With Thor" but even this didn't quite fully express how far this album goes.
So I decided to focus on the fact that this album appears to principally be an attempt to do a concept album or soundtrack for something called "The Intercessor" which the sleeve advertises as a "movie & CD coming soon." I could try to explain just what "The Intercessor" is about, but I'm pretty sure nothing will do justice to the liner notes in Thor's own words, so here they are without edit:
"It is the year 2045...After the great apocalypse...The continent of Norway had broken away from its foundation causing a collision and hence melding with North America. A strange new land had arisen. A land where mutation thrives and demons roam and of demi-Gods. A mighty North American Viking-Warrior stood tall...who battled demons and mutants and those attacking from other planets...His quest to save the planet and destroy those opposing the "Metal Avenger" came to an end when he sacrificed himself to save others and was killed in battle...Many years later in the year 2965 the Soul and Warrior Life Form of the "Metal Avenger" returns as the INTERCESSOR..."
Still confused? I'm not sure how you could be, but for a more artistic expression of our protagonist's motivation, consider these telling lines from "Back For Blood":
"Lightning strikes twice, but so do volcanoes
Of men and mice - I'm a twister, I'm a raging tornado
I'm back, I'm back, I'm back for blood
Get the soap, wash your mouth out with suds
I'm back, I'm back, I'm back I say
Now's the time for you to pay."
And at this, I am speechless. I could, in the immortal words of Fubar's Deaner ask Thor to "turn up the good, turn down the suck!" but I think doing so would just ruin it. So instead, I'm going to add an extra star for Thor just because years later he is still keepin' on Given'r.
Tracks that most giv'r: I Am Thor, Triumphant, Back For Blood,
No comments:
Post a Comment