CD Odyssey Disc 1882: Celtic Frost

Apologies for my lengthy absence, Dear Readers. I took a short vacation and music listening time required to bring you my always-scintillating insights never quite aligned. That sad state of affairs has now ended, and…I’m back.

Disc 1882 is… Vanity/Nemesis

Artist: Celtic Frost

Year of Release: 1990

What’s up with the Cover? The band have their “cool” faces on as they look out at us sternly from shards of broken glass.

Why the fragmented approach to the photo shoot? Well, you can’t tell from this photo, but all these dudes have Very Big Hair. I don’t think they would have fit on the cover otherwise.

How I Came To Know It: I knew Celtic Frost as a teenager. I loved the band name, but never got into them, so my knowledge was mostly second-hand by reputation (neither my brother nor I owned any). I was on an ill-advised (and since cured) break from metal in 1990 when this record came out.

I recently picked up their 1985 album “To Mega Therion” and liked it, so I decided to take a chance on this later offering.

How It Stacks Up: I have two Celtic Frost albums, and if you’ve been paying attention you already know which two. Of those, “Vanity/Nemesis” comes in at #2.

Ratings: 2 stars

Being trapped with this record for over a week means I got to hear it a lot. Often this plays to an album’s advantage, but not this time.

“Vanity/Nemesis” is a thrash metal record along the lines of early Metallica and Pantera, which are both bands I like. When I first put the record on I settled in quickly to the familiar sounds. The heavy chugging guitar is crunchy and deep, and the drumming is insistent to the point of being almost frantic. There are a lot of ingredients that should make for a solid record, and it had the particular advantage of being good driving music that I mostly experienced in my car.

There is even an early gem, in the form of “Wine in Hand (Third from the Sun)” that offers to pull you in. This song has some great Motorhead-style energy and an industrial underpinning that is part of what I appreciate about 1985’s “To Mega Therion”. The crunch of guitar comes in and out in the arrangement in just the right amount to leave you wanting more.

Unfortunately, this formula is not consistently delivered for much of the record. They don’t just double down on the crunchy guitar, they triple down, to the point of where it starts to feel forced. It is akin to moshing a bit too hard for a bit too long and throwing out your neck. All that crunch needs a bit of structure around it to make it work.

Celtic Frost gamely tries to provide this, but the changes of pace feel draggy and unfocused – like placeholders while the band impatiently waits to return to the crunch. The guitar solos also didn’t have the artistry to lift things up. They’re well played, but don’t add a lot to most of the songs.

All of this can be overcome with some grade A vocals, but apart from a couple tracks I list below, lead singer Thomas Gabriel Warrior did not do it for me. Warrior has a very distinctive style that is somewhere between the strangled rasp of Cirith Ungol frontman Tim Baker and the lascivious coo of ACDC’s Bon Scott. I love both those guys, and when Warrior is a bit “reeled in” I don’t mind him either.

Unfortunately, he is rarely reeled in on Vanity/Nemesis and his creative phrasing – which I think is supposed to sound dangerous and otherworldly just sounds…whiny.

The worst case of this is “Wings of Solitude” which is at its core a pretty creative tune, with a cool idea (what young metalhead hasn’t wished for “wings of solitude” at some point?). But Warrior’s delivery wrecks the fun, feeling overwrought and devoid of emotional resonance. Less cool Dungeon Master and more awkward kid tugging at your sleeve to tell you a disjointed version of the fantasy novel he’s reading. I acknowledge the line between these two is thin, but it is important.

The songs have weird and nerdy subject matter that is hard to follow, but as a longtime metal fan I know this is as likely to be a feature as a bug. I am more than happy to hear weird interdimensional, cosmic comic book stuff, but the weird also has to be cool, and often on “Vanity/Nemesis” it just ain’t.

Because of all of this, you want to sink into the basic chunking of the thrash guitar sound, but instead of that being a respite, its insistent presence feels more like it’s cornering you. Akin to that headache when you are still drinking late at a party and realize you should just go home.

As for this album, I am sure it will go to a lovely home one day as well. It just won’t be mine.

Best tracks: Wine in Hand (Third from the Sun), Vanity

PS: My version of the record is the 1999 re-release which has a couple bonus tracks, one of which is a pretty crazy cover of David Bowie’s “Heroes”. Intriguing, but still not enough to recommend the record.