It was brought to my attention that my last review (for Neil Young’s “Harvest” was published on Neil Young’s 80th birthday. I 100% did not know this (Neil, not having invited me over for the festivities) although all those “best Neil Young song lists that were popping up make a lot more sense now.
Disc 1878 is… Bat Out of Hell II: Back Into Hell
Artist: Meat Loaf
Year of Release: 1993
What’s up with the Cover? Our motorcycle riding barbarian from the original album (reviewed at Disc 1860) has returned, and while back on earth he has managed to find some pants.
Emboldened by his newfound clothes, and armed with a ball of hellfire that probably should be stored more securely when riding, he heads for the gates of hell, which are guarded by a the big bat demon from the original album, and also a golden angel.
The angel is there presumably to ask, “are you sure you want to do this?” and sadly for all of us, the barbarian is undeterred as are we, his hapless audience, who are about to be subjected to this record.
How I Came To Know It: Meat Loaf wasn’t on my radar in 1993, but I liked the video for the song “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” enough that when I saw this record sitting in the $3 bin earlier this year I said, “what the hell”.
How It Stacks Up: I have two Meat Loaf albums, and this is by far the lesser of the two.
Ratings: 1 star
“Bat Out of Hell II: Back to Hell” is the worst collection of aimless, pointless, directionless bombast I have heard in a very long while. If I could send this collection of songs back to hell, reader, I would do so.
The sequel to “Bat Out of Hell” takes all the lessons learned from the 1977 record and misapplies them so badly I felt multiple times that Meat Loaf and songwriter Jim Steinman were deliberately punking me.
Even the record’s most recognizable and arguably best song, the exhaustingly titled “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” can’t get it right. The original “Bat Out of Hell” title track is a song that successfully breaks all the rules. Almost a full 10 minutes of overblown glory, and you love every minute of it.
The video edit of “…I Won’t Do That” is a chunky 7:40 journey that is a bit tiresome in places, but lifted up by a really hot girl running through a mansion, and a guest vocal (famously not sung by the lip synching woman in the video) that is a delightful counterpoint to Meat Loaf’s signature vibrato.
The album version is almost five minutes longer, with no discernable melodic or narrative value in the extra content. Minus the pretty girl to look at, it quickly becomes interminable. We’re left to wonder just what Meat Loaf famously won’t do when he references “that”.
Through the course of the song he confirms he will do a number of his duet partner’s requests. These include: make magic with his ‘own two hands’ (barf), build an emerald city with grains of sand, cater to her fantasies (one of which includes being hosed down with holy water), take her on trips and provide a parting gift when she goes home. Check, check, and check.
Apparently, the only things he “won’t do” are break up with her or screw around, both of which are not things you typically do for love anyway. The mind is tempted to marvel at what else he won’t do but ultimately, we yawn.
And that’s one of the record’s good songs.
After this we get a whole load of songs that are overlong, go nowhere, and have sprawling titles like “Life is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back”, “Out of the Frying Pan (And Into the Fire)” and “Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are”. These song titles need an edit as badly as the songs themselves (which are respectively 7:58, 7:22 and 10:14 in length).
Along the way you will be treated to such tortured “Meat-aphors” as:
“If life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car”.
By track four – the aptly titled “It Just Won’t Quit” (n.b. also over seven minutes long) you realize that Jim and Meat really won’t. It was when I heard this stanza:
“Oh, is this a blessing or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever? Is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
Is it richer than diamonds, or just a little cheaper than spit?
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit”
…that I began to suspect this drivel was fucking intentional.
Whatever magic Jim Steinman and Meat Loaf captured on their first album is long gone. I imagine the two of them sitting around in the studio having a conversation like this:
“Hey Jim - I’ve got an idea. Kind of half developed, and featuring a strained and obvious metaphor. Can you help me out?”
“Sounds great, Meat. I can write that. But rather than developing it into an epic rock song, how about we just double down on that tired metaphor, throw in some overused phrase that you hear every day, and repeat it ad nauseum for a solid seven to ten minutes.”
“Um, yeah, OK – but let’s put a pretty girl in the video to boost sales.”
The record’s final song is the right-sized (five minute) and generally passable “Lost Boys and Golden Girls” which right at the end reminds you that Meat Loaf, for all his faults, has a great rock and roll voice, and that Steinman can write a song. But by then I had already endured 70 minutes of garbage and was too far gone to care.
Best tracks: The video edit of “I’d Do Anything for Love” (n.b. – not on the record), and “Lost Boys and Golden Girls”
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