CD Odyssey Disc 342: Led Zeppelin

I did my first serious Christmas shopping today. Being without a job makes this experience a lot less joyful, but as I was driving about I was cheered by a woman begging for change at a left turn signal.

Usually these people drive me nuts, particularly when they are hale and hearty as this girl was. However, she was just standing there, swaying happily (yet soberly) with a home-made cardboard sign that said simply, 'smile dammit!'

And she was taking her own advice, grinning away perfectly naturally, daring Those Who Would Turn Left to join her. She didn't seem full of her own self-importance, and she didn't seem like she was begging (although she obviously was). She just seemed like she was happy, and wanted everyone else to be happy as well.

So I smiled back, not because I felt awkward in the glare of her sign, but because she genuinely made me feel a little better. As I drove by I tipped my hat toward her in thanks, and she blew me a kiss. All in all, a good experience.

No, I didn't give her change, nor was I tempted. I don't want to encourage Left Turn Lurkers. I appreciated the smile anyway, and passed it on throughout the day. OK, on to the review

Disc 342 is...IV

Artist: Led Zeppelin

Year of Release: 1971

What’s Up With The Cover?: It is a picture of some old peasant caring sticks. It may be an iconic album cover now, but I find it pretty ho hum. I imagine the man's name is Dennis, and he is only 37. If you fold out the photo, you find that the wall the photo is hanging on is some collapsed building outside of a British town. This does not help, but imagining his name is Dennis does, at least a little.

How I Came To Know It: Led Zeppelin IV is one of those albums everybody knows. It has been playing at parties since I can remember going to parties, although less so in recent years for some reason. In terms of buying it, I think it was my second purchase of the remastered Led Zeppelin CDs, which I only started buying about four years ago.

How It Stacks Up: I now have five Zeppelin albums, two of which I've already reviewed. I'd put "IV" top of the heap, although it is a close call with "Presence."

Rating: 5 stars.

What is there to say about Zeppelin "IV" that hasn't been said before? Precious little, I'll warrant. In fact, I expect even my personal anecdote will be one shared, in one way or another, with most people who know the record. But let's not be hasty.

The record has Led Zeppelin's two most recognizable songs of all time, "Black Dog" and "Stairway To Heaven." I know these are their two most recognizable songs because I've only dabbled in the shallow end of Led Zeppelin's music until recently and I have known them both forever. In a way, my lack of detailed Zeppelin knowledge makes me an expert on just what makes them famous.

I've talked a couple of times on earlier reviews about my strange relationship to Zeppelin, but since those reviews are way back at Discs 27 and 72 a recap is in order. In brief, Zeppelin surpasses artistic excellence with their musicianship - they are on a short list of artists where every band member (vocals, guitar, bass and drums) is a master of his respective craft.

At the same time, I've often had a hard time emotionally connecting to their music. Yes, I feel the groove, and yes I admire the songs and the beauty of their arrangements, but they don't always kick me in the...well, they don't kick me like they should.

That's what I love about "IV" - it does connect with me on every level. It isn't the lyrics either, which are just as nonsensical as any other Zeppelin record, alternating between pointless blues-inspired shouting like these in "Black Dog":

"Hey, baby, oh, baby, pretty baby, tell me that you'll do me now
Hey, baby, oh, baby, pretty baby, do me like you do me now"

and these bizarre and equally pointless lyrics from "The Battle of Evermore":

"The pain of war cannot exceed the woe of aftermath,
The drums will shake the castle wall, the ring wraiths ride in black, ride on.
Sing as you raise your bow, shoot straighter than before.
No comfort has the fire at night that lights the face so cold."

These lyrics make Dio and Uriah Heep seem straightforward, and like Zeppelin "II"'s "Ramble On" manage to once again invoke characters from Lord of the Rings without any direction or purpose. So no, it isn't the lyrics.

I think it is the focus of "IV" that I appreciate. The excessive noodling on the first two Zeppelin albums is noticeably absent, and the band has seemed to recognize that each song should be as long as it has to be, but no longer. Sure there are long tracks, like "When The Levee Breaks" and "Stairway To Heaven" - both of which clock in at over seven minutes - but their length does not seem forced. In fact "When The Levee Breaks" is little more than a groove laid down, and in many ways is the simplest song on the record, but also one of my favourites.

As for "Stairway To Heaven", as everyone knows the song starts out with a quiet and restrained Jimmy Page guitar strummed alongside a light and folksy vocal by Plant, and slowly grows in complexity and tempo, eventually fading into a massive guitar solo that is rightfully famous.

It might seem over the top, but each part of this song so effortlessly fades into the next, you never feel jarred, or pulled by the nose by the song's construction. Each part is where it belongs. Yes, we've all heard "Stairway To Heaven" a thousand times, but I just can't get enough of it. It is more than a bathroom break for radio DJs, it is a perfectly constructed piece of art, and that's rare in this world.

Of course, we all have our own stories about "Stairway To Heaven" most of which revolve around the fact that it is a well established Canadian tradition to make it the last song at high school dances. When the first notes hit, you know the pumpkin is about to burst, and legions of teenage boys walk up and down in front of the bleachers looking for that girl they're going to be able to hold in a close and loving embrace for at least four minutes, and maybe more.

Apart from all the obvious memories I have to this song, including just how wonderful an angora sweater feels on a real live girl, I'll always remember a strange dance I attended in Grade Eight.

Back when I went to junior high, the area right in front of the stage was where all the cool Grade Ten kids hung out. One dance, a very pretty Grade Ten girl in a very short sweater-dress invited me into those hallowed grounds, after I had the audacity to ask her to dance to "Stairway To Heaven" (I had an atrocious batting average for such things in the day, but it never stopped me from swinging away at every opportunity).

Anyway, the girl had a boyfriend - one of those immense, jean-jacket wearing guys from the top field where everyone smoked. If I'd known that I probably would've checked down and tried to bunt for someone more my speed. Sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss. This guy was also dancing in the same area, and based on the look on his face, I thought a severe beating was in my future.

I was the shortest kid in my class in Grade Eight, and dancing with a Grade 10 Amazon was about as good a sexual experience as I had ever had to that point. She was blissfully unaware of my bliss - or maybe she knew and didn't mind. I felt certain her boyfriend got it, and it should have made me much more nervous than I remember being - but I guess I was just happy for the experience. Whatever horror might visit afterward, I'd still have the memories.

I wasn't just short in 1983, I was also really slender. Usually, when the song speeds up halfway through, there is that awkward point where the dancing couple separates, and finishes the song with a sort of half sway, girl with arms extended around boys neck, and boy with hands on the top of girl's hips.

I had automatically defaulted to this position when the girl decided I was simply to small and precious for such niceties. She picked me up and spun me around the dance hall like she was carrying me across the threshold. It could easily have felt embarassing, but let me assure you that this was about as awesome a sexual experience I had ever had to that point in my life. It still holds up pretty well almost thirty years later in fact.

Fortunately, the boyfriend saw me exactly for what I was; no threat at all. He rightly determined that his girlfriend thought I was little more than a cute little fellow - albeit a mildly sexually excited one - and mostly harmless. He just gave me a big smile and watched the show. Thank God he was a teenager confident enough in himself to let it go. I'm pretty sure I beat the odds on that count.

So thank you, "Stairway To Heaven" for that, and for every long, lash-filled look you ever helped conjure up from this girl and many others over the years.

And thank you Led Zeppelin, for making one of the greatest rock records of all time. The only thing this album suffers from is that everyone already knows how awesome it is, and are we really that petty to care about such things? I'm glad to know it, and glad to share it with the world.

Best tracks: all tracks